I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
