return my video game
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
