Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he was CRYING into my vagina
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
