your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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