Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
