How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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