Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
