Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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