i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
