...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway