WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.