I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
tonight lets celebrate not being married
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.