The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"