Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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