im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me