i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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