sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize