she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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