I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
im on a boat
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