Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I lost the right to judge tonight
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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