I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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