I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize