if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
