got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How's work?
Spinning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
