I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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