So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish I only lived at night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
