and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
