I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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