Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
COCAINE IS GR8
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
