I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
