Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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