if only i could text you this smell
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize