and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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