there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
