It was confusing and full of hummus
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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