im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
