haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
