never play flip cup with pint glasses
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
