Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
