Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
