how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
