highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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