i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
