So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
