i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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