and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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