my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
