Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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