The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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