SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sorry my hands just texted you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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