how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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