Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
