my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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