we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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