I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
