does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Drunk is not a location!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
