Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
