In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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