Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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