I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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