phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize