just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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