and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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