Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
