I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
