I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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