Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
