Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
